Just like old times I'm stuck with the trouble maker...

Guilt is my new best friend who hangs around even though I don't want his ass knowing where I live and I told his mother so, but his mother can be an irresponsible bitch. So Guilt hangs around anyway, dragging me down and pretending like he's all about my best interests. I can't really do anything about it, because without guilt I have no friends; I'm free. I could try living out of the care of others and within my own reasons, but it conflicts horribly with all other fractions of me. I've tried reasoning with the guilt so that maybe he can go help his sister Reason with the chores and Reason and I could bump knuckles for a few like old times, but it ain't gonna work. Fuck the world; audio later.

If You Were Born Today (song for baby Jesus)

For CLLCT's Christmas Album I am submitting my recently overworked Low cover. It's awesome. Turn the volume waaay up.

CLLCT Christmas Album Submission

A preview.

Ghost Ice/Blue Shift/D.B.H./PTA/(below the hips) collaboration

Recorded live 2007 at the Cinemat in Bloomington, IN

Savage Jim & the Barnyard Whim

This might or might not be the same one

Savage Jim & the Barnyard Whim

I don't know the name of this song

In Response to ATP

Great. Who gets to go?

I still want that song played at my funeral, because Nico's voice in that song is how I want to feel when I'm dead and a congregation of people sit thinking about me together.

Truly Madly Deeply+

take two with an addendum.

Truly Madly Deeply

Savage Jim & the Barnyard Whim. October 2007, rehearsing for their one show ever at the Ewerts'

anger thought so no thought touched inside crazy

There is so much anger in humans that I cannot understand it. It's such a difficult, painful and confusing feeling, you would think that every person who considers themselves sane would avoid it at all costs. I have found that this is far from the case. People thrive on anger; it's the innate response to a broken sense of complacency. Whenever lifestyles deviate from the norm, anger is there to fill the gaps. It takes soooooooo much time to get through it...there are much easier and more frugal methods of dealing with problems. Please do that, all of you. Please find ways to deal with problems with safer methods than anger. Now I truly am talking to myself in a crowd...crouched down at people's knees. Getting kicked while I'm trying to slip these notes into their pockets...

some things take time. many things take "too long". The best thing to do is accept it. Haste and technology ruin lives. stasis is where it's at.

The Indianapolis Colts live at the Cinemat Halloween 2007

As Stevie Hayes made fliers proclaiming "The Indianapolis Colts" as part of the headline for the Cinemat Halloween 2007 (in order to draw a larger crowd) Kray and I decided to take it upon ourselves to design a performance by a band "The Indianapolis Colts". Unfortunately this consisted of only one former Indianapolis resident, who had been to a couple Colts games, sadly, me. Paula and maybe Chris and that might be it joined in. It was a gridlock force which later possessed Kray to smash SHR merch. It was a sad day, and a glorious one. One of new friends and confirmed enemies. Satan's God is awesome.

Download Audio
Download Video (with attached audio)

Metal Heart v1

I know, I've left you all in suspense on this final Cat Power cover. This one is live, but happened first. Up next is (maybe) a live performance from the Indianapolis Colts (a one-off of mine I did with some acquaintances for some dignity for this crazy dude I know) and then a series of Savage Jim & the Barnyard Whim doing your favorite Savage Garden and some other song I'm not sure about.
link"k

Metal Heart v4

Slow things up a bit and scrape your wrists against your temples to relieve pressures. I think this one is my favorite. Why I have to be around physically when you're not socially/mentally I don't know...how its possible can never be explained. Why there will never be enough time is involved in the reason for which there are so many organisms competing for space and the right to live and we'll never figure that out, either. Go figure.

Metal Heart v3

From back in the days when I had to shake my guitar just right for the right tone. This is probably, like the last 'cast, an improvement on the original. But ye shan't know that yet! I think the next podcast mini-series will have to be the elusive Savage Jim & the Barnyard Whim as they tackle two different songs with confused intentions. Stay tuned. Tell yr friends, or don't. Your choice. We're pro-choice like that. But pro-lifechoice. Having babies is the new meaning of life.

Metal Heart v2

I have recorded Metal Heart a total of thrree times so far and once by Stevie Hayes. Today you'll hear the first of my recorded versions, at my mom's old place. Recorded last November.

Ron Paul Awareness Festival Performance

We may have had a name for this group, but probably not. I remember it was cold, but we had fans on stage...outside even. The final performance group was something like...Kray, Paula, Nathan, Sonny and Matt...I think. And me. Peasant Disco flanked us on both sides so you'll have to dance/wade through their flurry. I know we drank cider afterward, too. I used my SUV which I no longer have, because it sucked.

November 5, 2008

Everyone in town has a great morale boost, and people are joking as if there was no worry all along. I'm sure in other places of the country/world the worry is tenfold increased, and in me I don't care. Either way the world is ending. Probably.

November 4, 2008

I don't have really anything to say. I was going to post the Ron Paul Performance today but instead I'll post the first part of the second practice for it, which I walked in on after it had begun. Tomorrow the next portion. And then you shall hear the Ronpaulformance.

November 3, 2008

On the Eve of the Election Day this year I bring you to November 1st of yesteryear, when Nathan Warrick and I prepared very slowly for a performance taking place on November 3, 2007 in acknowledgment of Ron Paul as a Presidential candidate. In the coming days you shall hear the larger ensemble's rehearsals and performance. The other performers refused to take part in any support of Ron Paul as a candidate. Some were out of indecision and some out of lack of care and they were just in it for the music. I think we missed out on what Ron Paul could have done for the world by bettering our own country. You don't have to believe that nor do you have to argue with me. It's over. Now it's about the music.

I may be misanthropic but you're damn lucky I'm not sadistic

I said I wanted to be of use not overused. I'm stuck with the fits and they're not my own. It's like my life is convulsing; it's revolting. It's one of the things that I feel I should not be required to do to be considered human; I have to go through roles and synchronized lines of communication (or lack of) in order to pass through this alive. I can't just say and do what I truly think, for explosions will be triggered. I cannot jump off of the train for fear of not being able to catch it later. I can't even listen to the records I'd want to at low volumes (regardless that I'd want them louder). I can play for a few seconds a day at work some steel, and when I'm lonely (which isn't often) I can play the six strings of at home.

.

"breakdown amidst the mixtures avoid addictive plea"

I feel as though I'm under heavy surveillance, for crimes I don't understand and therefore cannot admit. If my parents had to undergo this sort of pressure, I wouldn't believe it. I hope it's just a symptom. Do you see this now? If you do, the reason lies somewhere between love and distrust.

Who is John Galt?

Moderate Fun

Fun with Sydney and Caleb. They're young kids, so I had to keep it short. They tire easily and can't hold their attention long unless it's fully animated and audible and they can lose themselves. I bet if we amplified them...

A Modest Proposal

I propose humans to be put into boxes and have placed upon them: chemicals, treatments, so that they can't even rot. Kept from all elements and all other creatures, secluded, a mystery. What happens after we die? If only we were to know. If it were to decompose; if it were to feed another, perhaps we would truly have a purpose. We'd stop searching for the meaning of life. We'd stop fighting...each other.

aural adjustment

We've got no right(s)

Who are we, to portray the pain, the difficulties of existence, of one species against another? Who are we, to take these organisms as individuals and call them "art", while they're just "trying to live"? Who are we, to designate and to assassinate the parliamentary cabbage, the garden. When, in turn, each year, it is to give itself to the existence of us, and during its most mature period, the healthiest period in its life, it's cut down...just before it starts to die. I propose that humans as well are cut down shortly before they're supposed to die, and are fed into another species, where they are allowed to benefit.

audio

Lather:Live June 27, 2008 at Derty Pants' basement

This date was intended to be Improvapaloozaish, but failed completely because some people hold grudges and are self-serving and ashamed. Derty opened his heart and home to us rejects and we had quite a time anyhow. Lots of people got trashed, there was moonshine passed about, and I, the event organizer alone and downtrodden, remained sober for the event just as last year, and for the sake of my friends and their safety as I drove them home.

The Lather set that evening began lonesome and winsome, at a slow pace. Something regurgitated pounced about, then the set took a new direction. Somewhere between jackhammers, black metal and straight up power violence lies this recording. Seas ease in the middle, but mind you the sound pressure in the basement was enough to knock glasses to the floor. Most people listened from afar. For you sissies, I place this online, though thanks to digital recording you'll never experience the truth without having been there.

Podcast Link

Wash All the Time/Being Watched

Imagine being a tree again. You are a tree viewing a human being in a way only a tree can. You can sense them and you have treedias formed about them but nothing is really certain, and you can't fully communicate all of your ideas with your brethren due to some circumstance of the inability to communicate such information in complexity.

As humans, we are to be godly in our relationship to trees. Cleanliness is godliness, they say.

As a lesser being to gods above us (as we are gods to trees) we are constantly watched, cared for, cut down and consumed by these gods. It is completely beyond our control. Paranoid as we may be, we must press on with no regard for the gods unless they successfully attempt to contact us and receive information back from us in return. But can they understand it in the ways which we communicate?

Wash All the Time/Being Watched

One Million Little Pieces

The second of a two-part series improvised in the bathroom.
One Million Little Pieces (lather)

Cold Wind

Apparently I have learned that I can only post one podcast per blog post. This is the first in a two-part improvised series recorded in the bathroom.
Cold Wind (lather)

We are not gods. We are unaware. We may be complete fools.

"Put yourself in the role of a plant, but from the perspective of a human. You have tactile feeling, and can sense temperature, light, and gravitational direction. You may be able communicate with other beings closely related to you in senses and location by chemicals. You may be living in a jungle or forest or someone's lawn or someone's house or in a tree or on the ground or as a seed or maybe you're a clone or came directly from another plant. You don't know this. Do you? I don't know. Probably not, because I don't know where this information would be stored on or in a plant, but there's a lot of things that would be extremely difficult or impossible for me (one mind) to completely comprehend. With the use of others (many minds) I may be able to, but enough.

Reverse the previously given situation. Now you are a "lesser being" trying to understand yourself as a "greater being". Imagine you are a plant trying to comprehend why it exists with only the means which we know plants have. What can you guess about other creatures, specifically humans? I say specifically humans because they're the ones which are most likely to have a most direct effect (esp "non-natural") on plants. Maybe. Maybe you got lucky and you live in the middle of the rain forest where not many humans are, and the ones that are aren't trying to kill you for the sake of paper. But you may not know that, nor know how lucky you are. Maybe you got totally fucked and you're some inbred engineered low-life corn stalk that has nothing to live for except to feed some cows that will eventually feed some humans. Do you know this? Probably not. You probably just reach for the sun, and go to seed. Then you're pretty much dead, except for your seed, which gets spilled unless you're lucky enough to be harvested for future generations to be produced. Or maybe you're put in a vault for humans to save for whatever who knows what reason they have wherefore to save a seed.

Basically, all genetically modified or domesticated plants are going to hell. Except pot, because people bless it and pimp it and spread the seeds or eat them and it's the prince of all plants. Coffee=Jews, but that's just a stupid analogy. As for gods above humans? I can't say what they might be or if they're there, but I can probably feel it when they touch me and it probably causes me fire in some way, but I don't know and I don't think I can know. If I could I'd probably know it. Also, I don't know anything. kalghlodshgladshglkjhsadklfjsfoiehoijeaw

This is why I can't do anything."

He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees the ghosts.

skit scat scoot

When the Tropical Storm Warnings Go Unheeded

Prospects for happiness often occur behind strong shields. It's fucking difficult to break through them, and you have to transverse through all sorts of tasks. Tasks where one must stay focused though stoically enduring hardships completely unrelated and unwanted and if one complains or lets through any fear their traveling companions will stress out in such ways which cause one's own ethics to break, which means that abandonment, recklessness, and/or lashing out in violence is possible and in some cases is believed to be a proper responsive behavior to the situation at hand. If you can allow the destruction of the one simple ethic of "not to bend ethics" then you may get past all this. By bending ethics into a curved line, one is allowed to traverse distances in a path which is shorter than the ethical arc.

In an example: Thou shalt not lie. about one's feelings within a situation, for example. In order to avoid conflict which will only make domestic situations worsen, it is beneficial to be overly polite and insert a mental/social buffer that must be scratched at for an extended period before any feeling is felt inside the shell. If one responds negatively in a given situation, all is burned. If one feels negatively and responds positively, there is chance for recovery later. I'm finding out, though, that recovery is not always...

I refer to Bastand Noise for further decomposition and confusion:
Lost your fucking pride
Found a way to fuck the unsuspecting & trustworthy
Lost your morals--We'll burn your offices down
Burn those fuckers to the ground
We found arrogance
In your self righteous "We are not guilty of anything" attitude
Lost your motherfucking asses to us you "hardcore bitches"
Found your severed heads in a fucking ditch
Now the celebration begins
Your big fat catalog doesn't mean shit now

Thou shalt not feast

upon the fetus. I don't understand how people can eat the fetuses of one organism and console and coddle the fetuses of other organisms. Harmony requires equality in a flowing, "as appropriate" fluidity. I know that "appropriate" is a term shoved through variously sized and shaped holes lately, but in the case of the sanctity of life I hold all things respected, which to me means less waste and less pain, difficulty, frustration or otherwise invasive behavior, to be as noninvasive as possible without causing harm to oneself or too much hindrance (it is okay to step on small creatures if their presence underfoot became known only too late, et cetera) and back to the subject that all organisms are equal except one's own self and extensions of including whatever it would be which the individual loves (family, nation, possessions, creed) so yes it should be fine to eat plants and animals and fungi and to burn them for heat and to cover our bodies with them and to dig up the earth for our homes and a bean or a pea is only a plant fetus and a cob of corn is a small colony of cornlings to sprout forth further generations so justice would calmly say that veal is as evil as eating a single pea, and for now I must rest. Before I go we shall toast in shit! This wonderful beer which is of course yeast poop. My entire city consumes more shit in one week than I am sure I could produce in a whole year as a vegetarian.

Next up: the Evils of Farming (DON'T EAT...EVER AGAIN!)